Tales from the concierge

Although sometimes it feels more like the Conciergerie.

There are pros and cons to managing the block.

One, is that, as chair of the management committee and budget holder, I am in charge, which is nice.

On the down side, there are always non-payers. Although our annual block charges are cheap compared with other properties where leaseholders pay thousands of pounds a year—ours are between £400 and £575, depending on size of flat—the absentee landlords are persistent non-payers, and the other residents tend to pay towards the end of the six monthly period.

I can hardly blame them as I used to do the same, but, and this is a big but, since the residents (well me really) took over the block management, work is actually getting done around the block. And it gets cleaned weekly. Years back, we had a Moroccan cleaner, he took Ramadan off, so nothing happened between July and September. On the rare occasion any painting was done, it fell off within weeks.

Two years ago, Partner started work upstairs on a particularly bad area. ‘It will fall off within a few weeks,’ said the nearest flat owner. ‘It always does.’ Two years later, it still hasn’t fallen off, but he is gradually working his way downstairs to repaint the whole staircase. After two years it gets pretty scruffy looking as people endlessly knock it when they replace electrical appliances (water heaters have a two year life here).

Out of an income of approx £8K, £2K goes on insurance, £500–£1000 goes on a rip-off company secretary service that does stuff all apart from sending me an annual bill, I have communal water (for cleaning) and electricity (staircase lighting) bills to pay, cleaning is around £900, and I try and keep £2K in reserve for emergencies. Within months of taking over and before the balance of the funds had been transferred to me, I had to pay £1700 out of my own money for emergency works to salt and fresh water pipes, plus unblocking sewage. Talk about things happening in threes.

So, that doesn’t leave a lot to play with. I’ve got arrears carried over from last year of £2400 and total funds received this so far year are £1800. The only reason it tops a grand is because the freeholder who owns a few flats, always pays for the full year. Great in January, but not so good in July because I’ve already had the payment for the last six months. I may have to wait until nearly June before I can get the money from the rest of the payers, approx another £1200. Which leaves around a grand that I may or may not get, plus arrears. Interestingly the ones who have paid so far are the other directors.

It’s very chicken and egg. People don’t pay if they don’t see work being done. They don’t see the insurance charges, the company secretary fees, even the light and water bills. They see cleaning, and redecorating and think they are getting at least something for their money. But I can only authorise the work if I have the funds …

Meanwhile, although I am technically in charge, it’s Partner everyone speaks to. After all, he’s basically the block fix-it person.

There was a knock on the door one evening from the Jewish family upstairs. They wanted to speak to our neighbour but she wasn’t answering her door. I’m not sure what they thought I could do about that but I told them to go and speak to Partner who was faffing about upstairs on something.

Turned out they’d dropped a prescription for the wife’s mother that had fallen onto our neighbour’s windowsill. And that has exactly what to do with block management?

Wandering downstairs last Saturday to do a 7.15am dog walk for the neighbour up the street who fell, Partner bumped into the same Jewish neighbour upstairs, who was off to shul. Could Partner please come and turn on the freezer? Yes, when he’d walked the neighbour’s dog. ‘No, now, right now.’ Although what the neighbour would have done if the two hadn’t met on the staircase I don’t know. Probably knocked on our door on the way back from shul.

Gibraltar has an Orthodox Jewish community. They go the full whack with clothes including many men wearing the large hats and long beards that resemble Amish. The women wear somewhat twee-looking pinafore dresses, and often have long skirts (no trousers), thick stockings and flat shoes although I have seen the odd racy one with a skirt at knee-length, sheer stockings and heels. I have no issue with the women wearing sensible clothing, strikes me as eminently practical, but that isn’t why they are doing it, is it? I digress.

Socialising in Main Street after schul on shabbat
Socialising in Main Street after schul on shabbat

Shabbat (sundown Friday to sundown Saturday) is very strictly observed in Gibraltar, Jewish shops down Main Street are closed, the synagogue fines anyone caught working, no-one travels by car or bus, no-one uses electricity (hence not being able to turn on the freezer), the intercom service for flats is prohibited, so everyone yells up from the street for whoever they want, writing is banned, and so is the telephone.

Which brings me onto the next—to me—ridiculous scenario where Orthodox Jews are prohibited from doing something essential. The mother whose prescription fell out of the window ended up in hospital. Our neighbours were waiting for a ‘phone call to update them on her condition, except of course, they couldn’t answer the ‘phone. Could they pass on our ‘phone number, for someone (either the hospital or a relative) to ring us, for us to take the message, and then run (limp) upstairs to pass onto them? Of course. Hell, why not? Mrs Jewish Family ran upstairs to get paper to give to Partner so he could write down our number. Could he also write down their cleaner’s number too as a back-up number? Remember, no writing allowed, although ok for heathens to write for them (some Jews actually pay non-Jews to carry out prohibited tasks).

There was a glitch in this story though. I could understand the hospital ringing me, but how could another (Jewish) family member ring? I never did work that one out. Just after 1pm, the ‘phone rang. And stopped by the time I’d limped my way over to it. Did the idiot leave a message? No. Did the idiot ring back? No. Did Mr Jewish Family come downstairs to see if we had heard anything? Yes. So we told him about the non-‘phone call.

Presumably though, the mysterious caller rang the cleaner, who does not live in the same block, so had to hike across Gib to deliver the message.

I can understand not working, focusing on all things spiritual and otherwise (it’s ok to eat, sleep and have sex on Shabbat) but I would have thought a little rabbinic dispensation might not go amiss when your mother is in hospital for a brain operation so that you can either a) answer the ‘phone or b) travel to hospital (in Spain) to visit her. Apparently not.

Meanwhile, having finished the redec upstairs, Partner is continuing to clear rubbish off the roof terrace. One of the top floor leaseholders asked if we could move it as he was worried about the membrane being damaged and rain leaking into his flat (never buy a top floor flat, say I). I said we should put up a notice asking people to identify their rubbish and we would start throwing out unclaimed rubbish the following week.

Partner was busy throwing out a coffee table and broken plant pots today when the freeholder walked past (he lives next door) looking his usual extremely smart self, obviously off to hobnob with the great and the good amongst God’s Chosen People at the synagogue.

If there was a Best Dressed Man in Gibraltar competition, I doubt anyone else would enter. If you even mention the best dressed/smartest man in Gib everyone knows who you mean.

‘Morning, Mr Freeholder,’ says Partner chirpily. ‘You’re looking very smart. Off to the synagogue?’

Preen. ‘Yes, thank you my boy. I hear good reports of the work you’re doing.’

Partner preened back at him. ‘I’ve been working upstairs, put a new door and frame on, and I’m clearing the rubbish off the roof. I’m going to put a board up there with a note on telling people to keep the roof tidy and not throw rubbish up there.’

‘Of course my boy. And if they don’t, put a bolt and padlock on so no-one will have access apart from you. We’re quite within our rights to do that.

‘Give my regards to Roughseas.’

And off he strode, complete with bowler hat and elegant cane, to dispense more bonhomie to the deserving en route to the synagogue.


76 comments on “Tales from the concierge

  1. It all rings so familiar. Our compound-villa fees are about $ 680.- quarterly and insurance is the largest slice. I tried to get independent quotes which were much cheaper but some insurance freak owner objected and pointed out the quote did not include earth quake even though an earthquake had never happened.
    I am so happy I did not volunteer for the job of chairperson. We have no large hatted orthodox Jewish community but suffer from ultra right wing conservative private school cricket loving lawn mowing leaf blowing privacy till the grave Anglo royal family loving cold cabbage with vinegar white knee socks sandal wearing fanatics who peep behind the venetians and watch lawns grow in great excitement with silent admiration for Sunday ennui and deadness.

    Stoicism is the only answer. I enjoyed this piece enormously and can almost taste the Gibraltar atmosphere. I am sure there is a lot more to that little rock.

    Well done!


    • I thought earthquakes were natural disasters and therefore never included?

      I’ve tried to get different comp sec quotes, but they all seem the same to do nothing. Such a happy life huh? And, our freeholder is related to a partner, and I don’t want to rock the Ark.

      I actually got proposed. Just as well because I figured I needed to do it anyway.

      Wonderful prose. Love that description.

      There is indeed a lot to this little rock. Small things and packages or whatever the quote is.

      Thank you for your generous compliment. Now I have to brave the photo of dead prawns :(


  2. The Jewish story is ridiculous. Some dispensation is required or they should just say to hell with the whole damn orthodoxy.
    In most flats here, there is a service charge which is part of the rent for those who rent. For those properties that are owned I think they are in charge of their own cleaning and maintenance. The state of most of the blocks will tell you that the last time any maintenance was done, was several years back.


    • Isn’t it? We sat there in the afternoon just looking at each other, lost for words about how fucking loopy it all was.

      It’s part of the rent here for the tenants, but, the freeholders need to pay it out of their rental income, eg one flat = min £700 a month. Annual charges = max £575. And they can’t pay their annual charges?

      I’d dearly like to reform the outside, like you say, it’s been a long time since work was carried out.

      I kept this below 1500 especially for you. 1490 something 😀


        • I don’t deliberately write long posts! but I did make sure this one was below 1500 😀

          I think it was 1490 something.

          Collecting money is great when it comes in though. Had another payment yesterday, so things are looking up.


          • I think it depends on what one has to say. As for reading, I like to read a mix. Informative and/or interesting/entertaining long posts are worth the read to me. I couldn’t manage only reading short posts. Sometimes it’s nice to sink into a post and think about what the writer is trying to say.


  3. Sounds like being the block manager could be…costly. Is there a way to prepare an annual accounting of the expenses, such as utilities and insurance, and disperse it to the other tenants. It’s probably things they don’t even realize have to be paid, but would encourage them to be a bit more timely with their payments if they did know. For most, including me, if I weren’t in charge and wasn’t made aware those are likely things I’d not think about. Partner looks to be doing a top job on the maintenance, though.

    As for that Jewish orthodoxy. It’s so strange, isn’t it? What if mother fell ill on Shabbat? Would they just leave her to die?


    • Love your accountancy mind swinging into action! In theory,the charges should cover the expenditure. I do quarterly figures and annual ones too. I’ll be putting a summary on the noticeboard and will send one to the absenteeists. Whether it will sink in is another matter. It’s a good point though, before I took over, I didn’t realise half the expenditure was essential costs.

      Apparently not. They are allowed to save lives, even mandated to do so. Life or death scenario.


      • I guess maybe it is my accountancy mind but I’ve always found transparency to be the best policy when dealing with these kinds of funds. It’s good for all parties involved. That way the payers aren’t wondering where the funds are being spent and the overseer, showing accountability, isn’t left with questioning minds.

        I had a church approach me about doing some bookkeeping work for them not long ago. When I went to have a sit down with them I discovered that they had funds that had just disappeared(cough). When I asked how their members felt about that and what the administrator’s explanation was for that they informed me the parishioners didn’t know and that they didn’t provide their members with a financial statement. They wanted me to make the problem disappear. I told them unless they were willing to be completely transparent and provide a financial statement to their parishioners I wouldn’t help them. They said they’d think about it and call me back. I haven’t heard from them.

        Now they may not be doing anything underhand(cough, cough) but they certainly have made themselves appear culpable.


        • Mine is probably public sector/company secretary mode switching on with a dash of performance management thrown in. We had one FD who came from the private sector, and some of his figures didn’t seem to add up …

          Where did the funds go though?!!! Truth is though, I think a lot of people don’t care. And confrontation is very difficult when it comes down to accusing someone of cheating/fraud/swindling/stealing. Innocent until proven guilty?


          • Where did the funds go though?!!!

            I have no idea. They stammered and hemmed and hawed and never did exactly say where the funds went. I just got a bad vibe about the whole thing. And then their lack of transparency with their own parishioners just put it over the top.

            Definitely innocent until proven guilty in a court of law. Public opinion is another matter altogether.


  4. I see some of the same here. I try and laugh some of it off thinking, “to each their own.” Increasingly, though, I find myself unable to do that. There’s a line and I have come to believe that we need to stop pretending it’s not there and, instead, focus on the more useful task of determining just where we can agree (or stomach–a better term) to place it.
    The changes look great, by the way–a very nice upgrade.


    • To each their own is valid, I agree with that. But, to hassle two people (us and the cleaner) because they can’t pick up the ‘phone? Off the wall. Just, totally. It’s your mother FFS. And you can’t answer the ‘phone to find out how she is, or travel to see her? No, that is plain stupid. I couldn’t do that. The hospital rang me to say my dad had a seizure one night and I slept on the sofa by the ‘phone in case he deteriorated and also so I could answer it quickly and not wake up my mother.

      Two out of three leaseholders on that floor pay their charges. Not fair to victimise them for the non-payer.


      • Indeed. I know peoples’ convictions run deep but for the life of me I cannot empathize with one who would refuse to answer the ‘phone in a situation like that.
        I don’t make a business of knocking religion. My position is always that, for many, it helps them lead happy virtuous lives. I do, however draw the line at any situation in which people resort to an arbitrary rule book for decision making when considering a case on its merits makes more sense – which is quite often. Sure, we can’t consider each and every choice that way and in many routine instances either what we did before or what the so-called rule book says is fine enough. There are still so many times when our judgement needs to be a thing that considers the situation in its entirely and, frankly, I am tired of seeing the effects. Sometimes it’s just an arbitrary act of stupidity, sometimes it’s an inconsiderate annoyance to others (as is the case here, although I’m vividly reminded of the nonsense that’s been happening on airplanes lately–you know the one where males refuse to sit near females) and, of course, sometimes it’s far, far worse.


        • I think that is totally whacky. Hey my mum’s had a mega serious op but I can’t answer the ‘phone. Or go and see her.

          Score stuff all for religion. Compassion, love and logic out of the window. Score an awful lot for sensible thinking that would reject such barking behaviour.

          I don’t go out of my way to knock it. I think it is stupid and illogical. But I don’t normally say so. However this was so silly it merited a post.

          And yes, this is silly but it does get worse. Much worse.


  5. Bei uns, uncooperative owners in an apartment block can be zapped with a council order if they prevent necessary work being done. Can this happen with you?


    • The only ones likely to get a council order here are me as chair of the management committee or the freeholder. In fact, he got one, was told to remove a decrepit water tank on the roof, fair enough it had needed removing for years, as it was causing water ingress to the flat below. And has the leaseholder paid anything since it was removed? Oh no. Paid sweet FA last year and his total debts are now £1200. He just doesn’t want to pay, and looks for any excuse. Won a few grand gambling. Pay off his charges? No. Pissed off to South America on holiday.

      Liked by 1 person

        • Yup, it’s an option. And none of the other directors are capable or want to take on the work. And, however it cuts, I like being in charge. No one else is creaming it off, and I can dictate the quality of work that gets done. For block funds to pay £2400 a year to an agency to push paper sending out bills and reminders every month was driving me spare. I can get a lot of maintenance done for that price, plus cover my consumables (paper, printing etc) and, I’ve cut the cleaning costs by reducing it to weekly at the request of other directors. Nah, I’ll stick with it and just moan from time to time.

          Liked by 1 person

  6. Somewhat hypocritical…if you are forbidden by your religion to do whatever it is on a particular day of the week, then live with it, don’t hire – or worse, pester – someone else to do it for you. Or have a long think about your religion.

    I would not enjoy balancing the books….and as for the non payers would be tempted to ‘maintain’ the access to their properties by the use of super glue in the locks.


    • I thought about you when I mentioned that. :)

      Noooooo! Where are you moving to? Not my block, rented flats go like hot cakes here, they sell quickly too. Dead handy for BV though :D

      We might be able to meet up again if I can limp somewhere!


  7. I think you should have a sign put up outside your door saying ‘Shabbat Social Services Department’ with a list of charges for turning things on- or off, delivering messages or even lighting the menorah. It’s quite a responsibility you’ve take on but what a mess you’d have been left in if you hadn’t the funds to bail them out until payments had come through.

    Take care of yourself.
    xxx Hugs Galore xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Great post. It’s always the little details and hassles that makes me get to know a place. I’ve never lived near an Orthodox Jewish community before, but I bet it can get frustrating at times dealing with the observances. And having to deal with collecting payments from people sounds like a real beast.

    Still, the pictures look great. Partner’s work on the place really is nice!


    • Thanks Sirius. I can live with religion, even though I don’t agree with it. So long as it doesn’t impact on me. In this case it did, but it wasn’t an issue.

      Collecting payments is great. Not collecting them is the beast.

      I like to live in a well-maintained building. So do others, as most people have commentd on the vast improvement.


  9. Perhaps I’m petty, but I’d make sure the bounders paid one way or another. A little incentive, such as a hot water heater that suddenly goes out or a broken window, neither of which can be repaired until they pay up, might have a very motivating effect.


    • Ah. Yes, a water problem has been suggested. I vetoed that … mainly because it still wouldn’t bring in the money which is my main concern. And, you can’t sell your flat owing charges. So I’m in there for the long term.


  10. I cannot get my head around this stuff about ones mother in hospital and no visiting.. my parents were number one and they would have come first for me… strange thing this religion stuff…


  11. I can so see you ”in charge”. :)

    ”Oi, Stop bonking and answer the chuffin’ phone!”

    I am surprised you didn’t give them a serious piece of your mind for all the hypocrisy.

    Don’t think I would ever want to be ”management/caretaker ”
    What are you doing engaging dear Wally, by the way?
    Are you that bored? lol


    • Oh yes. I dismissed the careers advisor at university who suggested I go for management :D

      Nah, I want them to pay their charges. I’m not totally stupid. Even if they are.

      I’m management. (Unpaid). He’s caretaker, by default. (Paid. By me :D)

      Just proving a point darling :) as you suggest.

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Hi there! I haven’t had any notifications of posts from your blogs for eons, so came looking. You may still be limping but you are in fine form with your writing! Enjoyed this post a lot. I’ve been on strata councils here, which I guess are similar to your role, except that if people don’t pay in time here they get fines added, and if they keep owing and not paying, liens are placed on their property — which is not a good thing. Not too many people hold back payments, and even then it’s usually because they are really struggling.
    I like what partner has done to the place. Excellent work — and I’m glad you pay him!
    How is your ankle doing? If you are walking around I am guessing that it is improved somewhat, but the limping references suggest not fully recovered. May the limping disappear quickly and without fanfare!


    • Hi Diana
      Yes, wordpress likes to keep people on their toes by unfollowing you from them from time to time, so then you have to search them out when you suddenly remember they’ve dropped off the edge. And hey presto! they are still there so you re follow and on we all go again. So much fun.

      Fines? I like the sound of that. Probably wouldn’t be legal here. I wonder if I should offer a discount for prompt payment though? The only thing I could technically argue here is that they are in breach of their terms of lease though which is a possible road when the debts get really big. If people are struggling all they have to do is make regular payments, I’m not totally unreasonable. But when I know they have the money and just don’t want to pay, that’s different.

      Well paying him is one way to compensate for me not being paid.

      It’s still quite rigid and not very strong. For example, I can’t hop. Luckily I don’t want to 😀


  13. That is completely mad. On the payment front. I like the idea of instalments and a discount for prompt payment. Now that there is some good work done I would be tempted to tell them what parts of the building are next up for fixing and then explain… But we can’t proceed until so and so and thing wot pay their maintenance fees. And leave the others to ensure you are paid… Just a thought.


    • Well, I suppose it’s one way of avoiding speaking to people ;) but yes, to me it’s off the wall. I spent one New Years eve on the sofa within arms reach of the ‘phone in case the hospital rang about my dad.

      The trouble with a discount is, the payers would benefit, the block funds would lose and the non-payers still wouldn’t pay. There are can’t pays, and won’t pays. And I know who is who.

      We’ve publicised non-payers before, but as they are all absentee landlords it has no effect. They are in breach of their terms of lease though, which will be my next step.


  14. Hello, sweet friend I hope you are all healed up now, been a long time since I have checked on you. I really was happy to see you had been to our blog the other day. Very nice job on the stairwell it looks great…Partner did very well. Hugs and give the sweeties some nose kisses for us.


    • Hello Mags, nice to see Chancy’s blog again. Hmm, Pippa would be complaining but luckily he has just gone out for a walk. Better than I was thanks, just not up to running around yet (not that I ever was). And the same to your pack too.

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Partner did very well. His cutting in around the tiles is immaculate and sharp. The laying off on the enamel perfect. Not a brush mark to be seen. I bet he is in great demand around the Rock.


    • He should be good after more than forty years. Sadly he is not in great demand as quality is of no interest. Price is all here, and, because he is British, people assume that Moroccans or Spaniards will be cheaper, even though sometimes they aren’t. C’est la vie.


  16. I didn’t realize it was that restrictive. Hard for me to imagine really. I come from a place where nothing really shuts down, so not being to answer the phone seems odd. I can see the reason, but in times of emergency … well, I don’t know.


    • To me, all orthodox or strict forms of religion seem pretty restrictive: dress, diet, compulsory contribution to the ‘church’ (insert appropriate word there), work, money-lending, hours and times of worship, sexual status, the list is endless. Live and let live flies out of the window.

      Oddly though, while I don’t subscribe to the beliefs, I can see th rationale too. But for a close relative in hospital? I think not. I’d be answering that ‘phone immediately.


  17. What an interesting mix, building management and neighbourly-ness, and yes concierge indeed seems to sum it up. I sighed… with longing… as I was reading. When I had the lurgy before Christmas, feeling vague I locked myself out of our apartment, not realizing until I was on my way home from work/doctor visit late morning . I have an emergency spare apartment key just needed security swipe access to our floor. Was our 8 am to 4 pm building manager in his office? No. Deserted as usual. Phone not answering. So I sat into the park for an hour and the G.O. came home from work early toilet me in! I know it’s not his job to give me access but he’s supposed to at least be there to ask, and possibly refuse, I thought!
    In our absence we prevail upon our TA neighbours but pay them for lawn mowing which we’d have to pay someone else for anyway, and when we’re there also repay them with assistance -it’s fairly balanced I hope.
    Neighbourly-ness is a good thing but I think there are boundaries/limits, although in reality I know from my own and others’ experience they’re not easy to manage.


    • You have a building manager? Wow. Here we’d just use the intercom until we found a neighbour who was in. Or yell from the street like everyone else does. Very secure here 😀
      It’s a small block though. Not everyone else knows each other or even speaks to each other, but we do.

      The balance is difficult both ways, but you have to err on the side of favour I think. Partner errs more favourably than I do. But re the concierge, we don’t mind doing it (most of the time) because it’s to everyone’s benefit to live in a decent friendly block.


      • I did try the intercom for the other apartments on my floor – swipe pass security is per floor for residents but no-one was home.
        Ahh, yes, the G.O. also errs more favourably than I do; there are times I find neighbourly-ness quite overrated and would prefer peace, quiet and privacy!


        • Not everyone does 9–5 in our block, there are a lot of shift workers, so there’s always a good chance someone will be in, even if it’s the cleaner for the Jewish family.

          Yes, I’m coming from there too. But, neighbours have helped us, and hopefully we’ve done the same. Could we have managed without? Yes, but not as easily and with less enrichment. Gracious partners are a treasure, saves us being favourable ;)


  18. Sounds like you already have a job and one that keeps you busy so there’s no time for a paying one. As you say, at least you can keep an eye on funds and try to get things done, so it’s probably worth it. The paint does make things look better. Nice job. (Painting does take skill and patience – and the willingness to do the prep work)
    Nonpayment of fees is a problem. Irritating here when a home owner whines they have no money yet there’s an endless stream of luxury items, toys, cruises, ski trips, new cars….People move in because they want a well maintained safe neighborhood, but want others to pay for what they enjoy. A little different where you are.
    Growing up here, we had a fairly large Jewish community divided among themselves into “Reformed” (US style with relaxed mandates), Conservative (two kitchens and more rules on Sat. activities – no birthday parties for kids) and Ultra conservatives (with the clothing and going into suspended animation at sundown on Friday). They all criticized the others.
    It was a little funny at my high school which was mostly Jewish. Everyone knew that the Jewish girls were wild dates when young. They like to date non-Jewish guys because “what ever you did with them didn’t count as they were heathens and not Jewish”. As the girls got to marrying age, the got so demure and proper…but we heathens knew who they really were.
    Sun coming to an end Sunday. Early springlike weather has been so welcomed.
    Paw waves and hobble carefully!


    • External employment would be a bit tricky but I can handle freelancing and managing the block. Living with the all-purpose fix-it person helps. And if he can’t, he knows someone who can. Plus we know the going rates.

      I’m getting racked off with the non-payers again. Same old ones. They need a rocket. Or a few tied together.

      Ours are definitely your ‘ultras’. Not sure the Jewish girls here get chance to be wild. Gib is too small a place.

      Liked by 1 person

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